So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
