I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
