I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
