I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
