He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
