I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
