Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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