We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
