So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
