Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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