I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
