Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
