We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
