I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
