I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
