walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
