I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
