strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How does one acquire holy water?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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