She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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