so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
