You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
