He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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