worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
