so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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