I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
