Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
