why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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