I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
