New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
