the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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