So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
