Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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