And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
