I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
