It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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