i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love having hate sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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