you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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