Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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