hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
