Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
