I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
