can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
