Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
