He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
