I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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