found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
