Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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