And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
