wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
