his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
