Your face is a jimmy john
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
