So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
