i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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