OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
