I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
