I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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