Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
