Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
