He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
