I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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