We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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