We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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