We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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