Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
