my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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