this boner is exhausting
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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