before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
