Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
