Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
