your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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