I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
